Ed took a dump right on top of it
Middle England was in uproar yesterday, after Ed Miliband and Nick Clegg attempted to ruin the centenary commemoration of the First World War.
After laying wreaths reading ‘Fuck Hisstry’ and ‘Them soljers was well gay’, the Leader of the Opposition and the Deputy Prime Minister tried to sabotage the service in Westminster abbey, heckling the speakers with shouts of “Wankers!” and “Bummers!”.
As angered veterans tried to eject them, the two men ran amongst the pews, blowing out all the candles, and then urinated on the grave of the Unknown Soldier.
They then jumped in a sports car, drove to Whitehall, and deliberately crashed into the cenotaph.
David Cameron said “This is exactly the sort of behaviour you have to expect from the other parties. Did you see how neatly I handwrote the dedication on my wreath?
“Be sure to vote Conservative in 2015, unless you want Mili-Clegg to tear down our country’s past and unleash neo-communism.”
The Daily Mail, Sun and Daily Express chastised the Labour and Lib Dem leaders, and printed their addresses, calling on readers to assassinate the “pinko pair”.
Meanwhile the Telegraph launched a campaign to start a new war with “the uppity Germans”, during which “Ed and Nick could be shot as conscientious objectors or traitors or something”.
A spokesperson for combat-veteran association, ‘Forgotten but not gone’ said “I gather Miliband and Clegg sent wreaths that weren’t handwritten because they didn’t arrive on time, or something? Pretty shit planning, and quite thoughtless of them.
“But possibly not worse than forcing elderly veterans to set their own clothes on fire to try and stay warm, through shit-witted economic policy.”
